
Since I work for an organization that advocates for w/l balance, you’d think I’d be better at it.
We went virtual and transitioned to ROWE and I’m still not flexin as Stef would say…I’m workin’ on it…
Posted by joyinhome on August 10, 2010

Since I work for an organization that advocates for w/l balance, you’d think I’d be better at it.
We went virtual and transitioned to ROWE and I’m still not flexin as Stef would say…I’m workin’ on it…
Posted in Families, Mental health, Successful Workplaces, Worklife Balance | 2 Comments »
Posted by egehl on July 20, 2010
In life, when it rains it pours. I am stressed. This month I have been burning the candle at 10 ends, and it’s catching up to me. I have been thinking about how women deal with stress and what we do to alleviate the intensity and anxiety of feeling overwhelmed.
I think each of us have our own coping mechanisms, some healthier than others, but the bottom line is we have to be mindful about when stress levels become too much. Women have a tendency of saying “yes” too much, biting off more than we can chew, and feeling guilty if we don’t put others before our own well-being. Stress can come from family, friends, work, everyday grind of life and outside factors we have no control over like disasters and communities in distress. 
How do you handle your stress? What coping mechanisms do you employ to get your mind off the things overwhelming you?
Here is what helps me:
Exercise: It’s true what they say, exercise is the natural high of life. When you get those endorphins going it lifts your mood, calms your nerves and makes you feel better.
Swimming: While any kind of exercise helps me focus and take a break from my stressors, there’s something about swimming. Being under water and swimming laps helps me completely break away from the world around me. During the summer, you can find me in a swimming pool.
Shopping: It’s a girl’s best friend. It may not be great on my pocket book, but when I shop I get tunnel vision and forget what’s ailing me. And let’s face it as women we all get an endorphin high when we purchase a great find. The excitement may be fleeting for our new things, but it does take our mind off of life for a moment.
Laughter: This should be in tall order when you are feeling extremely busy. Laughter is a fabulous remedy for bringing yourself back down to earth from your stressed little perch. So grab that friend or coworker that’s guaranteed to put you in stitches and ask for some entertainment.
Organize (and clean): There’s something about organizing and cleaning my house and personal things that gives me a sense of control that may be lacking in my busy life.
Trash TV: There is no shortage of trash reality TV these days. Every station has their version of portraying someone else’s crazy life. You think your life sucks? Check out some of the folks on TV. Not only will you get to zone out for a moment, but it will make you feel a lot better!
Make lists: While this idea may make some people cringe, lists are my life line when I am really stressed.
Take a deep breath: It sounds hokey, but it really works.
Stop watching the news: As a news junkie, this is hard but it does help to stop listening to and reading about the trials and tribulations of our world. There’s a lot of crappy stuff going on, especially if you live along the Gulf Coast, so separate yourself for a bit. While it’s important to stay informed sometimes it can add to our anxiety, so take a break.
Disconnect yourself: We are all about technology these days but being connected to everyone all the time can really add to our stress. While it’s fun to Facebook, Tweet, email, and IM if we constantly feel as if we have to stay connected to everyone all the time it gets overwhelming. Give yourself moments to disconnect from your cell phone and computer. Better yet, shut them off.
Say “no”: As women, this can be really hard. We want to be there for everyone, feel guilty not attending to the needs of others when asked, and ideally want to be able to do it all. However doing it all is what gets us to this place of feeling completely overwhelmed and miserable. Set boundaries and the people who love you should understand. If they don’t, then it’s time to reassess those relationships. I think the older we get the clearer this becomes, but it’s a constant internal battle we always have to keep in check.
Travel: For those of us who tend to be escapists, there’s nothing better than getting away. If you can’t take a trip out of town, then travel to your nearest park or somewhere peaceful outside. There’s something about the quiet outdoors that’s really good for the soul.
Music: Listen to songs that quiet you down, clear your thoughts, make you smile and inspire you to sing.
Glass of wine: I wouldn’t be honest with my list if I didn’t add this. Like anything in life moderation is key, but a glass of wine occasionally at the end of the day is a beautiful thing.
Writing this blog!: Expressing your thoughts through writing is a wonderful way to vent, relieve stress and alleviate pent up feelings and opinions. So write in a diary, contribute to a blog or put your thoughts on paper.
Now that I’ve made my list, I feel better already.
Posted in Families, Friendship, Gen X & Gen Y, Lifestyle, Mental health, Rant, Worklife Balance | Tagged: coping mechanisms, stress, stress alleviation | Leave a Comment »
Posted by egehl on July 9, 2010
Sadly earlier this week the oil spill hit even closer to home. On Monday, reports came out that tar balls were found in Lake Ponchartrain, the body of water directly adjacent to New Orleans. It’s also the same lake that flooded thousands of homes after Hurricane Katrina because the levees breached. As the oil makes its way closer to New Orleans and other parts of Louisiana this ongoing catastrophe is becoming more dire and bigger by the day.
For New Orleans and surrounding areas, having the oil reach our shores is a sucker punch after being through enough change and turmoil over the past 5 years. Louisiana communities are still reeling from the 2005 and 2008 hurricanes that ravaged our communities, culture, way of life, jobs, homes, and businesses. This oil spill has been like throwing salt on a wound that’s barely healing. And many are saying the damage will be worse than Katrina.
I think many of us feel almost desensitized to yet another catastrophe and the inevitable social, economic, environmental and health repercussions. However while there will be many outcomes due to the spill one in particular that is very troubling is the mounting toll on mental health.
Already we are seeing a rise in mental health related problems among people and children along the Gulf Coast, and it’s only the beginning. Undoubtedly this latest disaster will rip apart the fragile fabric of our communities, as families feel the impact through division, frustration and helplessness.
Louisiana’s Department of Health and Hospitals wants BP to pay 10 million dollars for mental health services such as outreach and counseling for people impacted by the spill. BP says it’s reviewing the request to offer mental health services however unfortunately as of right now they are unwilling to pay for it. If they decide not to pay for these services, there should be an outcry because mental health should not be ignored.
As the spill rages on anger, anxiety and uncertainty among families and communities continues to mount and will eventually manifest into addiction, divorce, depression, bitterness, friction within the community, and in the worst case scenario, suicide. Unfortunately already we have seen how the spill has brought people to the brink when an Alabama fisherman hired by BP to help clean Gulf waterways committed suicide on board one of his own boats.
People are facing overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and a permanent dislocation from a lifestyle they love. There is so much confusion and conflicting reports about what’s safe and where people should go for help. And many feel like they have no place to turn to get reliable information.
A colleague of mine has been speaking with community leaders from Alaska who experienced the Exxon Valdez firsthand. Their stories and accounts are deeply worrisome and have given me chills.
They say that Alaskans are still struggling over 20 years later, and the mental health challenges felt by families in and around Prince William Sound has been enormous. They have relayed how “social capital” and community trust broke down in hard-hit Cordova, Alaska, as people isolated themselves, grew depressed and watched relationships fall apart. If the mental health toll was bad and ongoing in Alaska, I can’t imagine what it will be here with a disaster 20 times its size.
Economically Louisiana engages in an odd, too close for comfort dance between the oil and gas and seafood industries. My state prides itself as a place that produces oil and seafood, no matter how strange these bed fellows are. And it’s not uncommon for one family to have members that are fishermen and oil rig workers. Therefore families will be torn apart as they are pitted against each other for jobs and the fight over which industry should be more protected.
Louisiana has been impacted by the two worst man-made disasters in our nation’s history. And that has a different mental impact on people than natural disasters. A therapeutic community emerges after a natural disaster after people quite blaming Mother Nature and God for what’s happened. However in cases of “technological disasters” like the levees breaching after Katrina and this oil spill, where steps like rescue, recovery and rehabilitation remain elusive and blame comes easy, it’s a different and longer healing process.
Fortunately because the state went through Katrina not long ago, we have community resources, nonprofit services, assistance agencies and trained professionals in place to deal with post-disaster therapy. However it’s not enough.
The resources and professionals that will be needed to deal with the thousands of people suffering in silence will far outweigh what BP is most likely willing to pay for, and the capacity of what organizations can offer. Thus far Catholic Charities is overseeing much of the direct assistance and case management services associated with the spill however what they can do will be a drop in the bucket unless we can get numerous organizations involved and on board. But that can’t happen without funding and right now the federal and state governments won’t fund this work unless BP is willing to reimburse them.
I am worried that my fellow citizens are on the brink. They have dealt with 4 hurricanes and now their way of life is being turned upside down, what more can they take?
However what gives me hope is the amazing people I have met over the past three years who through thick and thin continue to love their homes and communities, culture and way of life and will do anything to rebuild and protect it. Louisiana is worth preserving and fighting for because there’s no other place like it, and people here know that. There are few people as strong and resilient as Louisianans and I know with the right help they can get through this latest hurdle.
Posted in Environment, Mental health, Oil Spill, green | Tagged: environment, green | 1 Comment »
Posted by joyinhome on July 8, 2010
It’s me again with my “Money Pit” adventures!
So, my first project was my yard…ohhh, I wish you could’ve seen the “before”; my intent was to take a picture of that urban jungle but my new landscaper, Manuel, had it cleared by the time I was back from the store. Don’t worry, I have some semi-before pics.

Anyway, Manuel was referred and recommended to me by a friend (remember the tips). He came over to look at the yard, gave me estimates as well as ideas for the front and back. We went for sod in the front yard and grass seed for the shady back. I went to the nursery with Manuel to pick out flowers and to learn a little. BTW- my petunias, not doing so well, but the begonias are beautiful! I, of course went for colorful and unique. The flower beds also have a black mulch which I love.





The change is AMAZING. I told him that friends/fam were going to walk right past my house. I have gone from the neighbor that everyone surely talked about, to having the best yard.
Disclaimer: I should have taken my “after” pics before the record heat wave. Oh, the sun…despite the fact that I have been diligent about watering the grass and flowers, parts of the grass are scorched. Manuel is going to replace those areas. Yay!
Thanks Manuel- I’m sure the mailman thanks you too! If you’re in the DMV and need a landscaper, contact him now!
Stone Mans
Landscaping Service & Construction
202449-0414
Posted in Families, Financial Security, Mental health, green | Tagged: home improvement, Stone Mans Landscaping Service & Construction, urban jungle | 1 Comment »
Posted by sherrysaunders on June 10, 2010
Becoming Your Own Best Friend, a new book published by Professional Woman Publishing, is a fascinating compilation of expertise and creative knowledge shared by twenty-five amazing women. The topics covered range from the personal to the professional including: Overcoming Childhood Trauma, Overcoming the Need to be Perfect, Sisterhood: The Importance of Friendship, and In the Still of the Night, the importance of solitude.
Business and Professional Women’s Foundation trustee and Secretary Venita Garvin Valdez, is one of the book’s chapter authors. Venita’s chapter “When the Vows Break, How to Handle Divorce” is a beautiful mix of personal story and practical steps leading to a “healthy” divorce,” while becoming your own best friend during such a life altering change.
victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in the Florida Keys from Key Largo to Key West. Garvin Valdez has been with DAS for eleven years. She is also a certified trainer in cultural diversity.
Check out the book and become your own best friend.
Posted in BPW, Feminism, Friendship, Lifestyle, Mental health, Woman Misbehavin' | Tagged: domestic violence, family, women, work-life | 1 Comment »
Posted by joyinhome on June 3, 2010

Today a 16 year-old girl died from her injuries after being shot in the head by an unidentified male assailant. Last month Yeardley Love, a young college student, was killed by her ex-boyfriend weeks before her college graduation. About six months ago, I watched a Dateline-type show where an ex-boyfriend literally shot the face off of a 17 year-old – she survived. A little over a year ago, a childhood acquaintance if mine and her two sons were stabbed to death by her boyfriend.
Unfortunately, I could go on and on. The killer of the 16 year-old has not been identified qand they have no motive. As I told my teenage daughter this morning, I will bet that it is a current or old boyfriend or someone who wanted to be.
Violence against young women at the hands of a boyfriend, ex, husband, admirer happens frequently. Too many women, including teens, are suffering in silence. Some sadly believing that violence is a display of love.
There are social programs that are starting to recognize this problem but they are slow. The best intervention is US. Please talk to your daughters, nieces, sisters, granddaughters, friends and selves. Ensure that they/we know our worth. Talk about and show them healthy relationships. Tell them they’re beautiful, even through the teenage-girl hormones/moodiness/attitude.
Nobody should love you ’til you’re black&blue.
Posted in Advocacy, Education, Families, Gen X & Gen Y, Health, Mental health, Rant, YWM, girls | Tagged: domestic violence | 1 Comment »
Posted by egehl on January 11, 2010
It’s that time of year again—when we all make New Year’s resolutions about the things we want to do more, get better at, or be more mindful of. Mine are: accept more invitations, take advantage of my city, enjoy the arts, take gym classes and stay true to myself regardless of the setbacks.
Resolutions are a great exercise of self-examination and exploration, but how can we make them more meaningful and last beyond January?
One woman did when she decided to launch the “Happiness Project” which entailed setting monthly resolutions for herself and launching a blog to track her experience. The goal of each monthly resolution was to test what worked to increase happiness and appreciation of her life.
Gretchen Rubin’s blog has now turned into a best selling book entitled “The Happiness Project”. The concept of the project is an interesting one because it examines something we all experience at one point or another: a pervasive feeling of going through the motions and not truly embracing life, especially the everyday minute aspects.
Gretchen describes her reason for starting the project which was, “it wasn’t because I was depressed or having a midlife crisis, but instead suffering from midlife malaise — a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief“.
The Psychology major in me thinks this aspect of unhappiness is very interesting because it’s not often explored.
Typically the extreme levels of discontent, such as depression, take the front seat because a person‘s health and well being are at stake. And while depression is a serious condition and deserves a lot of attention, it’s worth exploring other levels of unhappiness as well. Often people can be generally happy about their circumstances however feel a sense of mundane emptiness. They suffer from this uneasy feeling that something is missing and spend a lot of energy on feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied. As a result, they end up losing a sense of gratefulness and joy in their everyday lives.
The premise of the Happiness Project was to examine happiness through the lens of how humans can think more about what they are doing so that the choices they make bring their values to the forefront. How can we feel grateful for an ordinary day and let go of reoccurant annoyances to maintain a more universal perspective?
When the Happiness Project launched as a blog, Gretchen set a monthly resolution and tested what worked to make her feel happier. For example, January was to boost energy and February was to remember love. She decided on the monthly resolution based on the areas she wanted to be better at and could reasonably work on in a month.
Her year long experiment of trying out happiness studies and theories helped her to realize that it’s the mindfulness of living in the present moment that shifts feelings. Mindfulness pervades everything such as being mindful of what you eat, how you act, what you give, etc. The more you think about what you are doing and can embrace it, the more you make choices that reflect who you strive to be.
Her idea is catching on quickly, as people have created Happiness Projects throughout the country.
As we begin a new year and set forth to meet our resolutions, whatever they may be, there are lessons to be learned from the Happiness Project. Resolutions can be long lasting and incremental, and not just a fleeting thought at the beginning of the year. And perhaps they can encompass how to be more mindful and aware of the transcendent value of embracing individual moments.
Posted in Families, Lifestyle, Mental health, Worklife Balance | Tagged: Gretchen Rubin, Happiness Project, New Year's resolutions | Leave a Comment »
Posted by egehl on January 5, 2010
I think all of us have age denial to some degree. The age you feel isn’t the age you are and the mind plays tricks on you with society pronouncing that 30 is new 20 and 40 is new 30, and so on. However age does start to become an issue for many people when they begin to approach their dreaded midlife.
For so long I thought the term “midlife crisis” seemed years away, but not any longer. I am part of Generation X and it’s hard to believe my generation is fast approaching or currently in our mid-life. In fact according to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled “Have a Nice Midlife Crisis” the years of turbulence and transition span between the ages of 35 and 53, with 47 being at the heart of this anxious period. However the article offered some good news for Gen X’ers, now entering this potentially turbulent stage, that they may be equipped to take on their midlife in a more creative and resourceful way. They are turning the negative into the positive, and not succumbing to indulgent stereotypes that typically plague this age. 
As we begin a new year, whether you are a Gen X’er like me or just want to create a different life path in 2010 here are some valuable suggestions to avoid a “crisis” at any age:
Avoid a knee-jerk reaction: If you are unhappy in your job or career, and feel that incredible urge to “jump ship”, avoid a knee jerk reaction to grab the next job that comes along. The people who are happiest professionally have incrementally thought about each decision and ruminated about where their true passions lie. You will benefit in the long run by figuring out what you really want to do and staying in the job you dislike a little longer so that you can secure the perfect opportunity.
Go back to school: If a different job or new career path needs additional education, think about returning to school or taking a night class. After traveling abroad a good friend of mine who had been working in social work since graduate school decided her true love was teaching English. She returned home, went back to school, and got another Master’s in teaching English as a second language. Now she lives in Costa Rica, teaches English at an American school, and loves her new direction and career. It may seem scary to drop everything and return to school, but it could be the right boost you need.
Make small changes: If you are in a situation not easily changeable, then consider small steps to make you happier. One such idea could be altering the amount of time you commute by asking your workplace for a different schedule and commuting during quieter hours. Finding inner peace is an incremental process and small changes can make a difference.
Discover old passions: If you’ve put an old passion on the shelf because of family commitments, children or perhaps trepidation about pursuing it as a career, think about bringing it back into your life somehow. This could translate into doing it as a hobby, part-time job, or being bold enough to create it as a full-time career. Reigniting prior passions can rejuvenate you and give you a needed sense of excitement.
Create a better work-life balance: If not having a satisfying work-life balance is making you unhappy, consider talking with your employer about an adjusted work schedule, working from home, or job sharing with a colleague. While the American workforce still has a long way to go in terms of embracing plausible work-life strategies, there are still many employers out there that are open to the possibility if it can benefit both the employee and employer. If you do decide to ask your employer for a more flexible or non-traditional work schedule, make sure to organize a thoughtful and thorough presentation that explains why this new set up will be mutually beneficial.
Posted in Career Advancement, Gen X & Gen Y, Lifestyle, Mental health, Successful Workplaces, Worklife Balance | Tagged: Generation X, midlife crisis, work-life balance | 2 Comments »
Posted by egehl on December 24, 2009
OK I will admit it, I have been a total scrooge this holiday season. Every year the holidays seem to creep up out of nowhere and this year was no different.
If you’re like me and need some prodding to feel a bit jollier this holiday season here is some advice on how to survive and enjoy the holidays:
1. Relish the time off: Most people will get two long weekends over the Christmas and New Year’s holiday so take advantage of it. Rest. Relax. Regroup for 2010. If you aren’t traveling it’s a nice time to do nothing at home or be a tourist in your own town.
2. Enjoy the gift of giving: It’s hokey, but true. Giving is better than receiving and enjoy the process (of course after you battle all of the crazy stores).
3. Treat yourself: Use the holiday time to treat yourself whether that’s getting a pedicure or going to one of the many wonderful movies coming out this week. 
4. Volunteer: If you have time, help out those less fortunate. Volunteering is a wonderful way to remind yourself how lucky you are.
5. Try to see the glass half full rather than half empty: While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time, for many it can bring up feelings of loneliness, loss or what’s absent. If possible try to dwell on the positives and blessings in your life rather than what’s missing. However it’s natural to have many emotions during the holidays so don’t put unreasonable pressure on yourself that you must always feel happy.
6. Use the time to reflect on the current year and plan for the upcoming year: The holiday season is an opportune time to think about the past year and reflect on the good, and not so good, that happened. Use this quiet period to plan for the coming year to think about your goals and how you want to accomplish them.
7. Think about year-end strategies for a happier tax return: This is the least fun piece of advice however thinking about it early will help you during the fast approaching tax time. Give those last donations, maximize contributions to company-sponsored plans, estimate your income and deductions, and get your records in order.
8. Exercise: Exercise is important year round but especially during the holidays. Physically it will work off some of those delicious holiday cookies, but more importantly mentally it will alleviate stress and the endorphin boost will be a welcome mood lifter.
9. Moderation: Be aware of the increased accessibility to sugar, caffeine, and alcohol during the holidays and guard against overuse of these substances. Moderation is the name of the game.
10. Enjoy the people you love: The holidays are a wonderful way to remind the people you love why they are special. We don’t always stop and recognize their role in our lives and now is a great time to acknowledge their importance to you.
Posted in Families, Lifestyle, Mental health | Tagged: holiday, holiday survival guide, New Years resolution | Leave a Comment »
Posted by joyinhome on December 4, 2009
So I finally saw it yesterday.
I almost talked myself out of it because I was that anxious. But I saw Precious yesterday afternoon, alone with my Kleenex and contraband goodies.
As I thought about writing this and which direction it would take, a close friend came to mind, who vowed not to see it. I respect her decision, especially for those who have lived some of those horrific experiences. BUT, I am hopeful that those of us who have not endured such mind-numbing pain, will see this movie.
I have heard the argument that rape and incest happen everyday with real people- why would you waste your time going to see it play out on a big screen? My response is if you have not lived it or know anyone who has, it is easy to say “that’s not me, why should I care.”
Art in its best and truest forms shines light on that which we want kept in the dark. It is a reflection of life. Sapphire, the author of PUSH (the book which inspired the movie), wrote about the collective experiences of people she knew. Although it was fiction, it was fiction that is based in reality.
Precious tears off any blinders that you may wear. It forces you to care about this unlikely heroine and cheer for her against all odds. And it forces you to think about/have discussions with your family, friends, children, strangers and co-workers about incest, rape, illiteracy, abuse, education, stereotypes, HIV/AIDS…
If this movie can empower one person and end the deafening silence that envelopes incest in one family, then Lee Daniels did us a solid.
Posted in Diversity, Education, Families, Feminism, Global, HIV AIDS, Health, Mental health, girls | Tagged: Diversity, domestic violence, equality, family, men, race, women, women's health | 1 Comment »