Women Misbehavin'

Well behaved women never make history

Archive for the ‘Mental health’ Category

Curb Appeal

Posted by joyinhome on July 8, 2010

It’s me again with my “Money Pit” adventures!

So, my first project was my yard…ohhh, I wish you could’ve seen the “before”; my intent was to take a picture of that urban jungle but my new landscaper, Manuel, had it cleared by the time I was back from the store. Don’t worry, I have some semi-before pics.image

imageimageAnyway, Manuel was referred and recommended to me by a friend (remember the tips). He came over to look at the yard, gave me estimates as well as ideas for the front and back. We went for sod in the front yard and grass seed for the shady back. I went to the nursery with Manuel to pick out flowers and to learn a little. BTW- my petunias, not doing so well, but the begonias are beautiful! I, of course went for colorful and unique. The flower beds also have a black mulch which I love.

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The change is AMAZING. I told him that friends/fam were going to walk right past my house. I have gone from the neighbor that everyone surely talked about, to having the best yard.

Disclaimer: I should have taken my “after” pics before the record heat wave. Oh, the sun…despite the fact that I have been diligent about watering the grass and flowers, parts of the grass are scorched. Manuel is going to replace those areas. Yay!

Thanks Manuel- I’m sure the mailman thanks you too! If you’re in the DMV and need a landscaper, contact him now!
Stone Mans
Landscaping Service & Construction
202449-0414

Posted in Families, Financial Security, green, Mental health | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

We All Need To Be Our Own Best Friends First

Posted by sherrysaunders on June 10, 2010

Becoming Your Own Best Friend, a new book published by Professional Woman Publishing, is a fascinating compilation of expertise and creative knowledge shared by twenty-five amazing women. The topics covered range from the personal to the professional including:  Overcoming Childhood Trauma, Overcoming the Need to be Perfect, Sisterhood: The Importance of Friendship, and In the Still of the Night, the importance of solitude.

Business and Professional Women’s Foundation trustee and Secretary Venita Garvin Valdez, is one of the book’s chapter authors.  Venita’s chapter “When the Vows Break, How to Handle Divorce” is a beautiful mix of personal story and practical steps leading to a “healthy” divorce,” while becoming your own best friend during such a life altering change.  

Venita is the Chief Executive Officer of the Domestic Abuse Shelter (DAS), Inc., which serves

Venita Gavin Valdez

victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in the Florida Keys from Key Largo to Key West. Garvin Valdez has been with DAS for eleven years. She is also a certified trainer in cultural diversity.  

Check out the book and become your own best friend.

Posted in BPW, Feminism, Friendship, Lifestyle, Mental health, Woman Misbehavin' | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Loving Us to Death

Posted by joyinhome on June 3, 2010

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Today a 16 year-old girl died from her injuries after being shot in the head by an unidentified male assailant. Last month Yeardley Love, a young college student, was killed by her ex-boyfriend weeks before her college graduation. About six months ago, I watched a Dateline-type show where an ex-boyfriend literally shot the face off of a 17 year-old – she survived. A little over a year ago, a childhood acquaintance if mine and her two sons were stabbed to death by her boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I could go on and on. The killer of the 16 year-old has not been identified qand they have no motive. As I told my teenage daughter this morning, I will bet that it is a current or old boyfriend or someone who wanted to be.

Violence against young women at the hands of a boyfriend, ex, husband, admirer happens frequently. Too many women, including teens, are suffering in silence. Some sadly believing that violence is a display of love.

There are social programs that are starting to recognize this problem but they are slow. The best intervention is US. Please talk to your daughters, nieces, sisters, granddaughters, friends and selves. Ensure that they/we know our worth. Talk about and show them healthy relationships. Tell them they’re beautiful, even through the teenage-girl hormones/moodiness/attitude.

Nobody should love you ’til you’re black&blue.

Posted in Advocacy, Education, Families, girls, Health, Mental health, Rant, YWM | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

Lessons Learned from the “Happiness Project”

Posted by egehl on January 11, 2010

It’s that time of year again—when we all make New Year’s resolutions about the things we want to do more, get better at, or be more mindful of.  Mine are: accept more invitations, take advantage of my city, enjoy the arts, take gym classes and stay true to myself regardless of the setbacks.

Resolutions are a great exercise of self-examination and exploration, but how can we make them more meaningful and last beyond January?

One woman did when she decided to launch the “Happiness Project” which entailed setting monthly resolutions for herself and launching a blog to track her experience. The goal of each monthly resolution was to test what worked to increase happiness and appreciation of her life.

Gretchen Rubin’s blog has now turned into a best selling book entitled “The Happiness Project”.  The concept of the project is an interesting one because it examines something we all experience at one point or another: a pervasive feeling of going through the motions and not truly embracing life, especially the everyday minute aspects. 

Gretchen describes her reason for starting the project which was, “it wasn’t because I was depressed or having a midlife crisis, but instead suffering from midlife malaise — a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief“.

The Psychology major in me thinks this aspect of unhappiness is very interesting because it’s not often explored.

Typically the extreme levels of discontent, such as depression, take the front seat because a person‘s health and well being are at stake.  And while depression is a serious condition and deserves a lot of attention, it’s worth exploring other levels of unhappiness as well. Often people can be generally happy about their circumstances however feel a sense of mundane emptiness. They suffer from this uneasy feeling that something is missing and spend a lot of energy on feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied.  As a result, they end up losing a sense of gratefulness and joy in their everyday lives.

The premise of the Happiness Project was to examine happiness through the lens of how humans can think more about what they are doing so that the choices they make bring their values to the forefront. How can we feel grateful for an ordinary day and let go of reoccurant annoyances to maintain a more universal perspective?

When the Happiness Project launched as a blog, Gretchen set a monthly resolution and tested what worked to make her feel happier. For example, January was to boost energy and February was to remember love. She decided on the monthly resolution based on the areas she wanted to be better at and could reasonably work on in a month.

Her year long experiment of trying out happiness studies and theories helped her to realize that it’s the mindfulness of living in the present moment that shifts feelings. Mindfulness pervades everything such as being mindful of what you eat, how you act, what you give, etc. The more you think about what you are doing and can embrace it, the more you make choices that reflect who you strive to be.

Her idea is catching on quickly, as people have created Happiness Projects throughout the country.

As we begin a new year and set forth to meet our resolutions, whatever they may be, there are lessons to be learned from the Happiness Project. Resolutions can be long lasting and incremental, and not just a fleeting thought at the beginning of the year. And perhaps they can encompass how to be more mindful and aware of the transcendent value of embracing individual moments.

Photo Credit

Posted in Families, Lifestyle, Mental health, Worklife Balance | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Midlife Crisis, What!?

Posted by egehl on January 5, 2010

I think all of us have age denial to some degree.  The age you feel isn’t the age you are and the mind plays tricks on you with society pronouncing that 30 is new 20 and 40 is new 30, and so on.  However age does start to become an issue for many people when they begin to approach their dreaded midlife. 

For so long I thought the term “midlife crisis” seemed years away, but not any longer.  I am part of Generation X and it’s hard to believe my generation is fast approaching or currently in our mid-life.  In fact according to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled “Have a Nice Midlife Crisis” the years of turbulence and transition span between the ages of 35 and 53, with 47 being at the heart of this anxious period.  However the article offered some good news for Gen X’ers, now entering this potentially turbulent stage, that they may be equipped to take on their midlife in a more creative and resourceful way.  They are turning the negative into the positive, and not succumbing to indulgent stereotypes that typically plague this age. 

As we begin a new year, whether you are a Gen X’er like me or just want to create a different life path in 2010 here are some valuable suggestions to avoid a “crisis” at any age:

Avoid a knee-jerk reaction:  If you are unhappy in your job or career, and feel that incredible urge to “jump ship”, avoid a knee jerk reaction to grab the next job that comes along.  The people who are happiest professionally have incrementally thought about each decision and ruminated about where their true passions lie. You will benefit in the long run by figuring out what you really want to do and staying in the job you dislike a little longer so that you can secure the perfect opportunity.

Go back to school:  If a different job or new career path needs additional education, think about returning to school or taking a night class.  After traveling abroad a good friend of mine who had been working in social work since graduate school decided her true love was teaching English.   She returned home, went back to school, and got another Master’s in teaching English as a second language.  Now she lives in Costa Rica, teaches English at an American school, and loves her new direction and career. It may seem scary to drop everything and return to school, but it could be the right boost you need.

Make small changes:  If you are in a situation not easily changeable, then consider small steps to make you happier.  One such idea could be altering the amount of time you commute by asking your workplace for a different schedule and commuting during quieter hours.  Finding inner peace is an incremental process and small changes can make a difference.

Discover old passions:  If you’ve put an old passion on the shelf because of family commitments, children or perhaps trepidation about pursuing it as a career, think about bringing it back into your life somehow.  This could translate into doing it as a hobby, part-time job, or being bold enough to create it as a full-time career.  Reigniting prior passions can rejuvenate you and give you a needed sense of excitement. 

Create a better work-life balance:  If not having a satisfying work-life balance is making you unhappy, consider talking with your employer about an adjusted work schedule, working from home, or job sharing with a colleague.  While the American workforce still has a long way to go in terms of embracing plausible work-life strategies, there are still many employers out there that are open to the possibility if it can benefit both the employee and employer.  If you do decide to ask your employer for a more flexible or non-traditional work schedule, make sure to organize a thoughtful and thorough presentation that explains why this new set up will be mutually beneficial.

Posted in Career Advancement, Lifestyle, Mental health, Successful Workplaces, Worklife Balance | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Holiday Survival Guide

Posted by egehl on December 24, 2009

OK I will admit it, I have been a total scrooge this holiday season.  Every year the holidays seem to creep up out of nowhere and this year was no different.

If you’re like me and need some prodding to feel a bit jollier this holiday season here is some advice on how to survive and enjoy the holidays:

1. Relish the time off:  Most people will get two long weekends over the Christmas and New Year’s holiday so take advantage of it.  Rest.  Relax.  Regroup for 2010.  If you aren’t traveling it’s a nice time to do nothing at home or be a tourist in your own town.

2. Enjoy the gift of giving:  It’s hokey, but true.  Giving is better than receiving and enjoy the process (of course after you battle all of the crazy stores).

3. Treat yourself:  Use the holiday time to treat yourself whether that’s getting a pedicure or going to one of the many wonderful movies coming out this week. 

4. Volunteer:  If you have time, help out those less fortunate.  Volunteering is a wonderful way to remind yourself how lucky you are. 

5. Try to see the glass half full rather than half empty:  While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time, for many it can bring up feelings of loneliness, loss or what’s absent.  If possible try to dwell on the positives and blessings in your life rather than what’s missing.  However it’s natural to have many emotions during the holidays so don’t put unreasonable pressure on yourself that you must always feel happy.

6. Use the time to reflect on the current year and plan for the upcoming year:  The holiday season is an opportune time to think about the past year and reflect on the good, and not so good, that happened.  Use this quiet period to plan for the coming year to think about your goals and how you want to accomplish them. 

7. Think about year-end strategies for a happier tax return:  This is the least fun piece of advice however thinking about it early will help you during the fast approaching tax time.  Give those last donations, maximize contributions to company-sponsored plans, estimate your income and deductions, and get your records in order.  

8. Exercise:  Exercise is important year round but especially during the holidays.  Physically it will work off some of those delicious holiday cookies, but more importantly mentally it will alleviate stress and the endorphin boost will be a welcome mood lifter.

9. Moderation:  Be aware of the increased accessibility to sugar, caffeine, and alcohol during the holidays and guard against overuse of these substances.  Moderation is the name of the game. 

10. Enjoy the people you love:  The holidays are a wonderful way to remind the people you love why they are special.  We don’t always stop and recognize their role in our lives and now is a great time to acknowledge their importance to you.

Posted in Families, Lifestyle, Mental health | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

We Are All Precious

Posted by joyinhome on December 4, 2009

So I finally saw it yesterday.

I almost talked myself out of it because I was that anxious. But I saw Precious yesterday afternoon, alone with my Kleenex and contraband goodies.

As I thought about writing this and which direction it would take, a close friend came to mind, who vowed not to see it. I respect her decision, especially for those who have lived some of those horrific experiences. BUT, I am hopeful that those of us who have not endured such mind-numbing pain, will see this movie.

I have heard the argument that rape and incest happen everyday with real people- why would you waste your time going to see it play out on a big screen? My response is if you have not lived it or know anyone who has, it is easy to say “that’s not me, why should I care.”

Art in its best and truest forms shines light on that which we want kept in the dark. It is a reflection of life. Sapphire, the author of PUSH (the book which inspired the movie), wrote about the collective experiences of people she knew. Although it was fiction, it was fiction that is based in reality.

Precious tears off any blinders that you may wear. It forces you to care about this unlikely heroine and cheer for her against all odds. And it forces you to think about/have discussions with your family, friends, children, strangers and co-workers about incest, rape, illiteracy, abuse, education, stereotypes, HIV/AIDS…

If this movie can empower one person and end the deafening silence that envelopes incest in one family, then Lee Daniels did us a solid.

Posted in Diversity, Education, Families, Feminism, girls, Global, Health, HIV AIDS, Mental health, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

We Never Had Choices Like That at the PX

Posted by espressodog on October 15, 2009

dearjane

Coming ‘home’ to Chicagoland was a big shocker to say the least. Primarily, the colors and noises and choices were overwhelming to me. I felt like Alice dropping into the rabbit hole. My first trip to WalMart resulted in a tearful meltdown – we never had choices like that at the PX/BX/Navy Exchange.
–  Racquel Orenick US Navy Veteran & Average Civilian Jane

BPW Foundation hears stories like this all time as military women face the challenge of successfully transitioning into civilian life and the workforce. Millions of America’s bravest and most exceptional women serve our country in the Armed Forces. Women comprise 15 percent of the active military, 8 percent of the total US veteran population, and 18 percent of the Iraq and Afghanistan veteran population.

That is over 1.8 million women veterans! As women veterans enter the civilian workforce, they say they desire the same things from the workplace as other working women and experience many of the same challenges. However, as this unique group of working women returns home to their civilian lives and families, their needs are not receiving adequate attention and support. Issues impacting all working women–including pay equity, career advancement, and access to benefits such as health care–are magnified by challenges such as injury, sexual trauma, homelessness and PTSD.

BPW Foundation’s research indicates that most women veterans:

  • are married
  • nearly half are primary earners
  • do not self-identify as veterans
  • more likely to be underemployed than male veterans
  • 3.6 times more likely than women who are not veterans to become homeless
  • struggle with networking and finding rewarding employment
  • are unsure about how to apply for veteran benefits or what is available
  • often lack understanding on how skills gained in the military can be applied to civilian jobs.

The millitary offers little transition time or assistance before separating and that is where YOU come in. BPW Foundation’s Dear Jane letter-writing campaign connects women veterans with woman getting ready to exit the military. By sharing experiences and giving practical advice, women veterans will serve as mentors to help female soldiers with their transition into civilian life.

Working with partners and existing networks, BPW Foundation will send the letters on Veteran’s Day to deployed women who are preparing to exit military service. 

Send us your Dear Jane letter today! 

Posted in Advocacy, BPW, Families, Mental health, Research, Successful Workplaces, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

 
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